After weeks of pondering what sort of hideous creature I wanted to mimic, hours upon hours scowling Pinterest and Instagram for something creatively impressive yet easily replicated, I opted for that fella from SAW. Pretty standard enough attire but with a face full of make-up, actually not that different from an average night out. Every year I say to myself, this is the year I go all out and create something really original. Yet, I always end up going as something, for want of a better word, crap. From the humble zombie to the modest vampire, my costumes always lacked that flare that I craved.
I thought about trying the face paint on my own without the supervision of my bestie, but something told me no, you need her. So thankful now to that little voice I like to address as intuition. I figured I should pick up a few beers to indulge in before we headed out so I pulled up to Fine Wines off-licence. I strutted in feeling I looked a mix of super suave, sexy black jack dealer and vacuous, goofy clown in my black blazer and red dickie bow. Nonetheless, it had to be done. I selected 3 of only the finest Peroni beers, perfectly adequate for pre-drinking purposes. After getting some cashback I strode towards the exit excitement about the night ahead filled me, but was suddenly cut short as I fell towards footpath. I realised that gravity can be most belligerent at times. One little slip out of place and it’s pushing you down primary-school-bully style. Within about 3 seconds I was on the ground, glass smashed, bleeding wound and cringing face. I heard someone say “should we call an ambulance?”. “OMG NO!! Please I’m fine”. I said I was fine but really I was freaked. No idea where I was hurt upset in the knowledge I knew I wouldn’t make it out that night. The sweetest couple ran to my aid and insisted on bringing me to A&E. The gentle John walked me into the check in area, I know it’s not a hotel but I’m not sure exactly what you call it. He turned to me and said “Can I have a look?”. I unwrapped my hand and gave him a gawk. He winced and said “Can I leave now?”. Poor aul John putting up with me trying to run away and saying “sure it’s grand!”.
The nurse cleaned my hand and asked if I had any allergies to which I responded, "well, beer now". Thankfully a friend arrived to keep me company, with tea. Tea being the Irish cure for any ailment. The tea did help, until I met the doctor who looked at my wound as it were merely a paper cut. Oh, sorry my arms not hanging off! Now for fun part, Tetanus shot. The nurse looked on as I struggled to roll up my sleeve, her input being "well, you can have it in the butt instead?". Like who says that!? No thanks, the arm is fine.
As I walked back to my car I was thankful for the fact that I was actually fine and I knew I wasn't going to be hungover the next day. Felt a little embarrassed like yer man off RTE news falling on the ice. When I got into my car I realised that in the frenzy of getting myself to A&E I hadn't noticed what the guys from Fine wines had done. They filled a bag with beer and put it in my car. Ya have to love that in all fairness. "Sure tis only a graze, a few drinks in her she'll be grand!".