My last blog post I discussed some of the normalities of
everyday life, namely a trip to the dentist. Today’s blog post will analyse my
trip to the supermarket. It’s not exactly a daily thing, I nip in maybe once a
week and pick up a few bits, sure ya know yourself. However, for some strange
reason, it always seems to be a huge task for me. My inner monologue goes into
overdrive and if I didn't care what other people thought of me I’d be full on
talking to myself but I don’t think I'm there yet.
It’s not a straight forward activity, well it isn't for me
anyhow. I go through a strange process each time.
Firstly, I decide: Skinny or fat…. So will this be a skinny
shop or a fat shop? Start as you mean go on and all that. If I manage to bypass
the special offer biscuits with swift gusto then there’s a good chance of me
making it through the supermarket and out the exist with simple skinny shop of
veg, salads and probably some quinoa (which I don’t even know what it really is
and I’m sure it’s not that good for you but I appreciate a good marketing
attempt) but if the doughnuts are on offer there’s a good chance I’ll leave
with a plastic bag full of goods with a total nutritional value of -16,000.
WHAT ARE YOU?! Image source:
Then starts: The judge factor …. and the judging begins. It’s
majorly dependant on my above decision. So if I’m swanning around the shop with
a basket full of courgettes and kale and someone walks past with oven chips I’m
all like “wow, how can you do that to yourself? rather you than me. My body is
a temple.” However, if I’ve decided on a fat shop of Ben & Jerry’s and
someone walks past with natural yogurt and berries I’m all like “oh get over
yourself. January is nearly over. Do you know how much sugar is actually in
Following on from that : frustration station … how am I supposed
to make this Jamie Oliver bish bash bosh Sweet Potato Mash if there are no
sweet potatoes? Or any potatoes for that matter... it’s only 6.30 how could you
be out of stock of anything? And seriously they need turn down the heat in the refrigerators, it doesn't appear cool enough as the lettuce is sat there sweating. Nothing more gross.
How ye ?
And finally : payment scheme …
Cashier: “so that will be overpriced for what you purchased.
Would you like to pay with cash or card?”
Cashier : “Oh sorry the machine is broken.”
Me: “What do you mean the machine? Was Johnny 5 processing Visa
payments this evening?”
Cashier : ****Blank face, too young to get the reference.
Me: “Forget it, I’m getting Supermacs.”
MOD :) x